February 14th ❤️‍🩹

 Another Night on my Own.

    Does one stand up and shout into the abyss about his misfortune? Does one stand tall, against the darkness, and curse the name of He who has left him there? Or does one simply rise to the occasion, and embrace the darkness which he has found to be his only friend? These are the questions which haunt me, when nobody is around to hear my pain.

    Perhaps taking on the world is something too great, for even the largest of egos to achieve. Perhaps, in my state of madness, I sought a prize which even myself could not wield. Perhaps there is a certain tranquility, is simply accepting defeat and succumbing to the forces which control your world.

    And yet, perhaps there is not. Perhaps there is hardship, to prepare one for the moment they have patiently waited for. For how can one know how to wield such power, without first acquiring the strength? The force within, to allow one to stay afloat. To summon the darkness which surrounds him, and turn it outwards onto the world itself. Regardless of the answer, the riddle remains the same. Regardless of the solution- life continues ticking away.

    Maybe it never truly was that deep to begin with. Maybe, simply floating around with your head in the clouds was the greatest way to succeed. To return to being an idiot, afraid of nothing in between. To live in complete oblivion, obnoxiously unaware of all which surrounds your name. To move through life without a care or worry, as if it was build for you that way. Oh, how one can dream of returning to a childhood, where ignorance truly was a mans best friend.

    Something about yearning for knowledge, has driven the madness within to succeed. The questions which we search to answer, knowing lying somewhere out there. Somewhere, in the cold, hard world- all the knowledge one could truly wish to achieve. If only there were enough time to study it. If only, there were enough resources to command them to your will. Instead, I lay here trapped by my own imperfections, paralyzing me to the very seat I so wish to leave. 

    What is the purpose, of a life with knowledge? What is the goal of knowing, when the rest of the world does not care? Humanity, simply sleep-walking thru their daily lives, oblivious to the forces they bow down before. Completely in the dark with their habits, simply following the crowd and chasing the greatest pleasures they can obtain. I’d be lying if I said did not say, that part of me feels great envy towards them. Part of me, wishing I could be as dumb as they be. And yet, here I stand, standing on my high horse of knowledge, with absolutely nothing to my name. What a cruel fate to live, if I do say so myself.

    Surely there must be a middle ground? Surely, one can learn without being a complete idiot to the schemes? And yet, I’ve never found much purpose in living a life in the middle. Living a life, where one simply hides in the grey. What kind of man would dedicate himself to never pushing his boundaries? What kind of man, would be satisfied with being nothing more than an average human being? 

    The constant battle between two forces, driving me insane. To follow one path, and yet live another, is something I seem to struggle with daily. How I wish to simply be. How I wish to become nothing more than what it is that I see. To wake up, every single day, free from the enslavement. To no longer be bound by these shackles and chains. 

    Perhaps the life that I dream of, is simply meant to torture me. Perhaps, it is only possible, to create enough poison to drive me insane. The never-ending agony, of a world completely out of my grasp.

Hope is a deadly poison, slowly turning a man into something he hates.

    Godspeed.