365 Days Later ... ⏳

 Another Year Gone.

    Another year gone, and what do I have to show for it? What do I have now, that I did not have 365 days ago?

    I’d love to sit here, and list all my accomplishments. I’d love to give myself a huge pat on the back, congratulating my every single move. Yet, as it is so often, reality is much more disappointing than it seems.

    Sitting back and recognizing that you’ve made progress, is not something to shake your fist about. However, at the end of the day, we all sit back and realize that we could have gone harder. We could have accomplished more. We could have dug a little deeper. That whatever it is we have today, is simply a reflection of the actions we took a year ago.

I do not regret my actions.

    I hold no ill will or remorse towards the decisions I made. In fact, I admire them. I admire the courage it took, to cast away all which weighed me down, in search of freedom. In search of meaning. To jump into the void, without knowing what I would find on the other side. For that, I am proud of my accomplishments. The void is known to leave no prisoners, and yet, by the grace of God, here I stand today.

    Writing these reflections holds very little value, in the eyes of those who read it. And yet, every single day, there are those who continue to peer into my clouded thoughts. The madness. The insanity. The storm, hiding behind the broken smile with the lifeless eyes starring back the other direction. Make no mistake, these past few years have exhausted me. And yet, I continue forward. I continue to push into the darkness, deeper and deeper within the abyss.

Perhaps the truth of the situation is-

there is no ending.

    The tunnel simply continues to go deeper and deeper. I suppose, in hindsight, I should have always known the answer. I should have always been aware that there never truly was an ending. I am often reminded, that it would make more sense to logical sense for the Universe to not exist at all, than it would to be alive today. Hence, why would I ever be so naive and foolish to believe there would somewhere be an ending?

    Learning about the world, and the dark history in which has been played out before us, has scarred me. The very tissue, which once lay fresh and free, haunted by the forces of evil which I have witnessed. The calculated death and destruction, of a cold, cruel world. All this suffering, all this pain- completely man-made. Perhaps we truly are the cancers, which have colonized this place we call Earth.

    The age-old question, of asking oneself if it is best to out-monster the monster within, rings true forever. Do we simply accept who it is, that we are, as a species? Do we simply bow down to the forces, which have lead us down this path? Or are we meant to rise above it? To stand tall, in the face of tyranny, and fight until our dying breath? I have always believed I was a fighter, meant to battle until the end of my days- but this one time, I find myself wavering between the two directions.

All death is certain- that much, is very clear.

    No man or woman has made it out of this experiment we call Earth, alive. At least, to my knowledge. And let me tell you, my knowledge has shown me that all I know, is that I know nothing. 

Do we embrace the certainty of death?

    Do we greet it, as an old friend, which has stood by our side from the beginning? Or do we reject it, knowing very well that it will defeat us in the end anyways? I often wonder the answer to that question. Perhaps both answers lead down the same path.

Regardless of ones decision-

the sands of time continue to flow.

Great men come and go, like the rains of yesterday into tomorrow.

Perhaps the only certainty we have, is that all we truly have is now.

Godspeed, Cardinal.