Vengeance 🔪

 What Are You Waiting For?


    So much time has been wasted in our lives, waiting for something to happen. Waiting for the right moment, for the right weather. Waiting for the stars to align. Sitting around, constantly waiting, hoping for change to sudden fall into our laps. What is it exactly we are waiting for, anyways?


    Do we wait for the Universe to answer our calls? Or do we wait until we finally find the courage to stand up and answer the Universe as it’s calling? Are we meant to be, or become? 


✶


    Nothing makes sense. Which, I suppose, means, everything does. Complete chaos does breed a secret order. Destruction does breathe creation. Nothing does summon everything instead. The never-ending back and forth of life, pushing and pulling, twisting and turning, constantly changing its ways.


    The only constant that I can find is movement. Movement, that things will always continue to move forward. That life and this Universe, continue to push on a secret path. A road in the forest, which only it seems to know. It would be cool if you could share you secrets with me, world. I grow tired of walking in the dark.


    Something is happening to us. Life no longer feels like it once did. The entire world seems to be under some form of dark magic, dragging us a certain direction. It’s exhausting. Some days, I wake up and wage war on the world, hoping to overpower it. Others, I simply wish to be a boat and sail with the wind. The constant back-and-forth is exhausting me, leaving me tired to the soul.


✶


    I no longer know what it is that I’m after. Am I after fortune and fame? Or am I simply after success and freedom? What about creativity and fun? Or is it power and strength which drives me insane? Whatever it is- it continues to evade me. My own mind cannot even wrap itself around what it is we seek.


    I pray one day I get to look back on my life and be proud of where I end up. I hope to see the world as something better, because of my efforts. One day, to sit back in my rocking chair, swinging on the front porch, smiling form ear-to-ear. The dream of finally being able to rest and reap the fruits of my labour. Until then, I suffer forevermore. 


    Waking up has been the hardest part of the entire journey. Slowly losing contact with everything you once believed was yours. From family to friends, nothing is ever the same again. The illusion you surround yourself, instantly becomes shattered. The veil in which you operate within, comes crashing down. And then, all of a sudden- the darkness reigns again.


    Sleep has been my favourite thing as of late. I enjoy spending long hours, lost in the shadows. The other side allows me to live a life where I am free from these chains which bind me. Free from the structures which have been put in place to contain myself and who I am. The very fabric of the world, designed to limit whatever it is I seek.


✶


    Looking back at it all, I suppose I never truly knew just how good I had it. How amazing it was, to be so young and dumb. They say that ignorance truly is bliss- and make no mistake, they were right. Living in a state of stupidity was the greatest part of my life. To be numbed down to nothing more than an animal, seeking only its next meal or drink.


    I don’t know how much longer I have left in me. I don’t know how much more I can take. The constant dread of waking up, haunts me every night. The idea of having to repeat the same pattern, same actions, over and over again. Life has lost its purpose. The meaning of which I find myself no longer capable to comprehend. 


✶


    Does God hate us? Did he create us just to entertain his dull lifestyle? Surely being a celestial being must grow dull after a while. Even the strongest of soldiers require an escape, every now and then. Perhaps that’s all we are to Him- nothing more than entertainment.


    I sure hope my pain brings him joy in the end. I hope he savours every single moment.



And then, finally, once He’s asleep-

I’ll slit his throat in bed.

Location: Montreal, QC, Canada

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