The Darkness ⚫️

 Nothing.


    The joy of life can no longer be found. The light which rests in my eyes, has all but vanished. The pleasures of this world, seem lost upon me- like the ocean longing for the desert once more. My passions have been exhausted, and there seems to be little left within this realm that gives me hope anymore.


    Perhaps the darkness is calling me, once again. The never-ending sound of its silence, reaching out as it longs to feel me once again. The nothingness of oblivion, reaching out to smother my soul into the unknown which lies ahead.


✶


    I don’t know how much longer I can continue doing this. I do not know how much more I have within me, as I battle day-in and day-out. This weight upon my shoulders, burying me six-feet deep with no escape to be found. Oh, how I long to see the sun again. How I long to finally be free of these chains, which bond me to this form. 


    Wishfulness continues to haunt me, like drops of water falling from a crack in the ceiling of my cell. The slow, trickle of moisture, giving me hope to hang on just for one more day. The long torture, slowly fading me away at a pace that cannot be detected by any alarms. Time passing through me, without any change visible to be made.


✶


    All my life, I have been certain. Certain, that there was a light at the end of the tunnel if I were to just continue pushing forward. To continue climbing the mountain. To run further once more. To keep on pushing against, with all my might, in order to finally reach the horizon. Yet this time, I’m not so sure. 


    Time has not been kind to me. Time has not done me anything but drag me down. I have spent years, trapped in my chambers, attempting to plan my escape once more. Between the forces working against me, and the voices in my head- things look bleak, to say the least.


    It’s hard to really know where it all went side-ways. Honestly, I don’t think I even care enough to know. The idea of spending so much time, over-analyzing the past, seems unproductive. The wasted efforts of searching for an answer, like solving a crossword puzzle thats already been solved. A meaningless task.


    I continue crossing my T’s and dotting my I’s. I continue walking through the motions of those who are meant to be alive. I keep on grinding away at the very activities which are supposed to excite me to get out of bed every single day. Yet here I sit, in the middle of the night, nothing more than a shell of who I am supposed to be.


✶


    I’ve been cold and disconnected. I no longer feel anything. The disease of defeat lingers around me, like a lion who has been wounded in battle. The dragging of my feet, knowing that today, tomorrow, and the day after, all look the same from here.


    How I long to be a simpleton. How I long to not know what lies ahead. To simply be so simple, that every second is as exciting as the last. To only think about football and the weekend, slamming beers and picking up girls. To reduce myself to nothing more than a slave, who yearns for nothing else but their next hit of dopamine. 


✶


    Consciousness has been a nightmare. Except in this nightmare, I simply cannot seem to escape. The grip of Death surrounds me, as the fire within slowly begins to fade. The edges of my surroundings, slowly begin to collapse around me. There is no exit from this reality. There is no way out of this prison cell.


    To those who find themselves fortunate enough to not know this kind of suffering, I pray you remain where you stay. Do not go down the rabbit hole. Stay far, far away from the truth. Continue to enjoy your meaningless activities, as you piss your life away. 




Do not follow my directions-

For this is a path one simply cannot walk away.

Location: Montreal, QC, Canada

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