Sunday Thoughts 💭

 I Grow Impatient.

    Patience is a virtue. Everybody, everywhere, can recite that line. It is a phrase which has been used more often than I care to count. From waiting for the right moment to strike, to sitting still and allowing the future to unfold- patience is the cornerstone of all things surrounded.

    Regardless, I grow impatient none the less. I grow tired of sitting around, waiting for life to happen. The age-old lie of simply being still, and all that is meant to be will magically appear. The nonsensical ideology that everything is happening as it is meant to happen, exactly when it’s meant to be. The never-ending hours and hours of sitting around, hoping things will one day be okay.

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    The future is built by those who are brave enough to chase it. Those who are willing to stick their hands into the mud, and dirty themselves for the very goal they wish to achieve. A builder does not build a house, by sitting around waiting for it to erect. They do not spend their days, hoping the Universe will grant it. They go out, and they achieve. They reach into the madness, and summon their heart’s desires.

    I no longer wish to wait. I no longer wish to sit around, hoping that one day, something amazing will fall into my lap. I no long haver the energy to sit back and believe that God will make things happen for me. I choose to create my own space instead,

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    Creation is the act of destruction, merged with new beginnings. The ability to dismantle the old, in order to usher in the new. The act of conquering something so great, that all previous layers of the world can do nothing else but give way. I long for that world. I long for what waits ahead. I no longer wish to sit, hoping that things work out as they may.

    The world is going through changes. Everything we are doing, right here, right now, is leading towards a new system. A new structure. A new world, that we will inherit from those who are determined to burn away the old. I am conflicted with it comes to the necessity of it all. I am conflicted between embracing the new and fighting to maintain the old. For once in my life, I am truly afraid.

    Weakness is nothing to be ashamed of. I am weak. I am a sinner. I am nothing more than a failure, who continues to fail. However, I refuse to embrace said weakness, and believe there is nothing I can do to change. I refuse to believe that I am simply unlucky, simply unfit, simply not meant to be. I cannot and will not accept that rhetoric. The belief that we are born some way, and that we do not hold the power to create real change.

    The greatest magic trick the world ever convinced us, was that we were not powerful beyond imagination. That we are nothing more than whatever it is we are born as, and that we must simply surrender our power in order to live our lives. That some people were born to live like kinds, while others were born to live like peasants. That we are all given the traits and characteristics of our choosing, and that changing them is beyond our control. I will not bow down to that type of logic.

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    In the end, we fight a battle that cannot be won. We strive for something so great, that even the Universe itself cannot grant it. The ability to control everything, without ever leaving any of it up to fate. I suppose the arguments contradict each other, from the first paragraph to the last. The idea that we are in control of everything, and yet, we cannot achieve all we wish to achieve. The yin and yang of the world, constantly pushing and pulling against itself.

    Broken, beat and scarred. Blood, sweat and tears. The price, one must pay, in order to accomplish. Madness, the disease, that one must achieve. The endless struggle, of chasing something that cannot be won. 

Yet regardless,

we march forward in time forevermore.