Sunday Ghosts 👻

 Sunday Thoughts.

    As I continue to search for a deeper rest, I continue to be met by deeper demons.

    Ghosts from my past, doing their best to bring me down with them. Doing their best to help seduce me to their side. To drag me back down to the depths, where I can no longer distinguish between their world and reality. And the truth is, I’m half-tempted to join them. I’m half-tempted to accept their offer, and stay in their realm.

    Reality is often disappointing. It can twist and turn, bend and stretch- but it often falls short. Something about this world is anchored by an unseeable force, unobservable chains, pulling us all down under. Every single day, more links are added to the anchor. Each day, we enslave ourselves slightly more. 

    I can’t help but wonder about the ghosts which keep on visiting me at night. I can’t help but ponder what they want and what their message is. Something about them leaves a mark on my mind, carrying over into this reality. Like a bridge between two worlds, stained by the blood which it carries. Ghosts, doing their best, to make amends and mend bridges. To re-write history, and create a false narrative about the time we shared. The propaganda to essentially distort reality, and muddy the very waters in which we all use to stare into our reflections.

    What doesn’t bother me so much is the fact that these ghosts continue their missions. If anything, I’m honoured they still remember me. What bothers me, is somewhere deep down, I long for it too. I long for the establishment and reconnection with those I have left in the past. Those who I have cut communication with and have completely emptied from my conscious. Though apparently, it would seem like that last sentence is a lie. Perhaps I am not as disconnected to them as I originally had hoped.

    Something about dreams carry heavy weights with them. Something about visits in another dimension, weigh down upon my head. They carry the idea that there may be more there, than previously imagined. That perhaps my consciousness is carrying extra weight. Whatever it may be, it becomes heavy. The longing to reach out and return to the state where I was able to find happiness. Where I was connected to something deeper than what I currently have, here.

    The disconnect between our dreams and our reality is most probably our higher consciousness calling us towards something. Much like a boat, steering itself in the ocean, longing for port. The idea that we are being slowly nudged and guided by forces outside of our own control. The thought that our higher powers are in control, gently guiding us towards what we want most. Perhaps the ghosts we are visited by aren’t necessarily the individuals we seek- perhaps they’re just the memories we long for. The feelings we have once experienced, yet have decided to lock away. Perhaps these ghosts are simply there to remind us that what we seek is seeking us as well. And perhaps, the keys to which we had locked away the memories forever, long to be free once more.

    Overall, our dreams are meant to be messages. Messages from the void, which only we can decipher. Asking for help or opinions from others is a guaranteed way of getting sent down the wrong path. After all, it’s your life, isn’t it? How can somebody else tell you how to live or how to experience it? Waking up is realizing that we are in the drivers seat, nobody else. We cannot rely on their guidance, when God has granted us our own intuition. We cannot rely on other’s opinions and misdirections, when we have literally been born with a GPS within. The largest part of waking up is understanding that we are the captains of our ship, nobody else.

    Using our time, here on Earth, as a gift, is what it’s all about. Using our unique vantage point, unique experiences, to help paint and create a better world. To help build something that will last, passing down to the next generation. We cannot create a future, if we are not willing to take risks. We cannot achieve something unique, if we are constantly asking for permission. Life is a do-it-yourself project, with many people’s help along the way. The good, the bad and the ugly- all playing a major role in shaping who we are today.

    Perhaps my ghosts visit me because they wish for me to stay. Perhaps they contact me, hoping I’ll abandon the hardships of reality, and join them in comfort. To set aside all tasks and goals, here on Earth, and surrender to the void. To completely let go, and stay asleep, forever. To join them in their pain, and spend the rest of my days locked away in nothing more than a memory. Perhaps they are after me, because they know what I am attempting to do, here on Earth. Perhaps they’ve been sent to delay me, throw me off path. The Devil only attacks those who are worth attacking, after all.

    My ghosts shall remain my ghosts, that much is for certain. They have followed me here, and will continue to follow me throughout my journey. Every single step of the way, they will be there. I will truly never be alone. And perhaps that is a blessing. Perhaps I should be honoured that they continue to stick around. And one day, when all is said and I’ve given this life all I have to give- perhaps then, I will happily step into the void and welcome their embrace once more.

But for now- there’s still work to be done, here on Earth.

        Glory Be,

                    Amen.