Is-Ra-El 🤼‍♂️

 Hello Darkness, My Old Friend.

    I am battling for my life once again. 

    The struggle never seems to end. How I wish I could just spend. The rest of my life enjoying. All the moments that I feel are fleeting. Trying to grab a hold of something I once knew. Now the sky has turned with anger. The God I worship loves no more. He has been challenged once too many. By my indecision to explore. This world that I find myself living. At least a shell of who I once was. Caught in the lies of all the people. Swimming around like a lost cause. 

    Decent bars, if i’m being honest. Almost like I was born to write bangers. Instead, i find myself cooped up 24/7 struggling to get out of bed. Oh, the life of an artist. 

    I wish I could say I enjoy it. I wish I could tell you that life is grand and that everything you ever wanted came to fruition. Instead, I find myself trapped in a God-forsaken land, with no escape. I am surrounded by the inability to leave or do anything, causing me to self-destruct and debate my own end. 

    Something about being trapped and in the gutter, with no foreseeable plan of escape, leaves a man desperate. He becomes hopeless and defeated, slowly living a life of decay. My body, mind and spirit has slowly been on the decline now for a while. How can I expect not to be? When every single day of my life looks the exact same as the last. There is no change in the action, no change in the progress. Only the numbers on the calendar seem to go by, quicker than ever before. Soon, I will have spent more time here, trapped in my dungeon- than anywhere else in my entire life.

    I seem to be in a deadly struggle with God. Is-Ra-El. To wrestle with God. I am definitely losing said battle, in my humble opinion. The big man above seems set on stomping me into the ground and defeating me on all fronts, to show, once and for all, who is in charge. I can’t hate him for it. I admire it, in some sick, dark, twisted way. If God doesn’t flex his muscle every now and then, the people seem to forget who he truly is. If I am to be his whipping post, then so be it. At least He knows who I am.

    The battle begin as a fun and adventurous, perhaps even rebellious, act. The concept that it was God & I vs the world was too good to ignore. The opportunity to move forward, with His blessing, was a dream come true. However, as all good things, there comes a time where relationships sour. Eventually, God saw my ambition to overthrow him and rule the Universe on my own. To bend space & time, life & matter, to my own will. Needless to say, God did not take too kindly to it. He saw my thoughts, he pierced thru my heart, and quickly realized what a monster I truly am. He began to distance himself, slowly yet surely landing blow after blow. It was only a matter of time, before I quickly realized that things had taken a turn for the worse.

    Perhaps my ambition was too large. Perhaps, I attempted to bite off more than I could chew. I suppose only I can    know that answer. Regardless, the situation I currently find myself in is that which is of my own design. I am the mastermind behind my own torture. At least, myself and God. Although I do question his intentions, should he truly be all powerful and all knowing. Sometimes, I feel like perhaps God has been hijacked by another deity- one who claims to be the creator, but is not. Much like the God of certain texts and scripture- nothing more than an evil spirit who seeks to harm.

    Once you finally dive into the whole story, things slowly start to make more sense. Once you realize that the actual history and books have been replaced or manipulated, you slowly start to see the bigger picture. The picture, that we are being lied and led astray. Which makes sense, when you ponder it. I too would lead the masses down the wrong road, in hopes to take away their powers. I would direct them towards a false God, false deity, in order to have their wishes and concerns throw away into the wind. The idea that their saviour is out there, listening, waiting, responding to their every need. All the while, their cries and prayers for help get lost in the wind, ending up nowhere near the all-powerful. 

    Evil is a wild concept. Black and White do not seem to be the main characters, once you truly dive into the deep-end. In fact, no one could even tell you who is who, in this messed-up story. We are all battling endlessly, at the mercy of something greater. What, is the true question. 

    Despite the ongoing battle, I believe that the sun is beginning to rise. After much pain, suffering and bloodshed- there is a future in store. I still maintain the naive belief that one day, I will look back and realize that everything I went through was preparing me for so much more. The idea that this is nothing more than temporary, is the only thing keeping me going at this point in time.

    The time has come, for me to stand up and take life by the horns. To fully understand, that if I truly mean to wrestle with the Almighty, then I must quit pulling my punches. I must be willing to let it all out, regardless of the outcome. There is no such thing as halfway crooks. If I truly wish to absorb the power necessary to become all-powerful, then I must be willing to do what no other individual has done. I must defeat God. I must put him in a chokehold, so that He now bends to my will. The power and strength necessary to overcome said challenge is astronomical. It will most likely cost me my life.

However, that is a price I am willing to pay.

        Glory Be,

                    Amen.