Winds of Change 💨

 The future is uncertain.


    Whatever it has in store, it better be amazing. I’ve suffered for long enough, to not have some sort of hope waiting for me at the end of the tunnel.


    I’m trying to figure out where I want to live, and build a life around. Something about having my own world to be away from the noise seems so peaceful to me. Perhaps not running away, but just starting somewhere fresh. Somewhere new. Somewhere, where I no longer need to be constantly attacked and bombarded by the nonsense going on around there parts 24/7.


    Everything is a giant show. Politics. Sports. Religion. Everything. It’s all just meant to draw us away from our true self, and take away from our powers. I’ve been guilty of it myself, no question about it. Yet still, here I stand, alive and well. Well, for the most part. Being slightly unhinged isn’t all that bad, in my opinion. However, I lack a life of purpose. I lack a life of joy. The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. But I do. I want more. More money. More power. More friends. More love. More life. I don’t think that’s a bad thing. And even if it is, well then fuck it. I’m done apologizing for what I want in life anymore.


    I’ve been working so hard to fight against the demons and spirits which have been festering me and dragging me down. I’ve been attempting to battle with the very devil himself. It’s been tiresome. I am exhausted. Every single day, waking up, knowing that you must continue forward in war. A war, that nobody else seems to notice. Things which cannot be seen, coming to life. I don’t want this life any longer. I don’t want to continue battling demons which seem to always find a way to come back to life. The war has left me tired and dreary- I no longer have the strength.


    The question that haunts me the most is if I wish to fight or flight. To stand my ground and battle, or run away and forget. I think about it daily now, and I still do not have an answer. I often switch back and forth between the two. The idea of standing and fighting is a dangerous path. It is one where I do not believe I will survive. Where battle will drag me into the depths of the arena, facing off against a foe I cannot defeat. Flight allows me the opportunity to escape, and start again fresh without the constant weight of the world on my shoulders. A wise warrior avoids the battle completely. I truly wish to be a wise warrior, and avoid this battle. Yet the more I think about it, the more I come to realize that running away would only leave me with guilt.


    What am I fighting for? What is it that is calling me to stand my ground and battle against the evil which has infected our country? The answer- I don’t know. I want to say my family. I want to say my loved ones. But the truth is, I can’t protect them. I can’t save them from an enemy they do not even acknowledge. You can bring a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink. This horse is stubborn as all hell, and will budge. We have eyes, but not all can see. Ain’t that the truth. No matter how hard I point, how much I shout- the people will not wake up.


    I worry about the battle. Which makes me a coward, I suppose. I worry because I am afraid to lose myself. I am afraid to surrender and kill my inner child, in exchange for the man within. In Game of Thrones, the Grandmaestar at the Wall, Targaryen, tells Jon to kill the boy and become the man. I suppose he was wise in saying so. Life seems to be telling me to do the same thing. Yet here I stand, completely broke, beaten and scarred, continuing to fight for the child. Continuing to battle the demons which are constantly attacking me. I am tired. 


    Throughout history, humans have accomplished unfathomable things. From conquering cities, to conquering countries- the list goes on and on. Yet here we stand, weaker than ever. Physically, mentally and spiritually depleted. Things have never been as grime as they are now, in the sense of moral. Perhaps that last part isn’t accurate, but you get the point I’m trying to make. Things have reached a boiling point- a point of no return. We cannot go backwards, we must move forward. Yet forward, will require blood. Forward, will require sacrifice. We the people will need to seize back what has been taken from us, in order to usher in a new Golden Age. A new age, where hope remains in the public. An age, where our children have a future that is within their grasps.


    I often wonder how many times has humanity gone through this exact same conflict. It seems like history simply repeats itself, over and over again. The never-ending revolving door, of good times, followed by bad. What I often wonder is how many of the people on the time get away with murder during these tribulations. How many, seated high above on their thrones, raid and pillage the very countries they sit in, leaving their citizens with nothing to fend for. It disgusts me. Humanity is a pathetic, weak disease, ran by those who do not deserve to be in power. Yet we the people are the ones who put them there. Perhaps we simply get what we deserve, in the long run. 


    I’m not sure how things will play out. Hell, I’m not even sure how my day will play out. All I know is, change is certain. Change, followed by dark days, lie ahead. Evil which has consumed us, will clash with the light ahead. No weapon formed against shall prosper. That much is guaranteed. If we are meant to fight, meant to battle, I say we have it now. I say, we stand up and fight against the oppressors, as soon as possible. The anxiety and waiting of the battle is worse than the actual scene. The constant strain on the soul is what weakens the army, not the violence which lies ahead. The spirit of man is not meant to be put thru psychological warfare like we have experienced as of late. We are meant to rise to the call, to stand tall, and allow the chips to fall where they are meant to. Waiting is the slow, steady death of will.


    Patience is a virtue. Or so I’m told. I’ve done my waiting. I’ve done my virtuous lap around the world. The time for violence, the time for conquering- is now. I will no longer sit back and be a member in the audience, hanging on the edge of my seat. Today, I rise. Today, I join the battle. Today, I reclaim my true power & strength.



        Glory Be,


                    Amen.

Location: Toronto, ON, Canada

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