Sicario 🔫

 Back to Basics.


    After a short hiatus, I’ve decided to return. Between losing power, and simply being hungover, I struggled with he ability to continue forward with my progress. Blame it on the alcohol, eh Jamie?


    Regardless, here I am. Back as can be. Ready to face life and all the struggles which come along with it. Overall, I am feeling good. I finally caught up on some much needed sleep. My soul feels rested, and ready to take on the world once again. 


    I watched Sicario last night before bed. Great movie. Seriously, would definitely recommend if you haven’t seen it already. IT really got my head thinking about a lot of things. The scene in the middle of the film, where the squad takes a drive to Mexico and goes tho Juarez was intense. The blood was rushing. The constantly scanning, unaware of where the threat would emerge from. That felt like the closest thing to real that I’ve felt in a long, long time.


    I’ve been hiding from the world now, for quite some time. I’ve been a hermit, completely and utterly cut off from the outside. I’ve enjoyed my time- there’s no doubt about it. It’s been pain, suffering and torture- but I’ve enjoyed it none the less. Now, I can’t help but feel like it’s time for me to step back out there, and show the world who I am. To finally go out into the public, and be who I want to be.


    Sciario was so interesting to me, because a part of me felt it. A part wanted for myself to be apart of the team. The rush of moving into the unknown, hunting and chasing things which cannot be seen. The secret mission, knowledge and power, all hidden in plain sight. I want it all. However, that’s a scare thought to say out loud, isn’t it? I want to power to be able to achieve exactly what those men achieved. How do I get that? By joining the forces? By enlisting and sacrificing my life for some war-machine? The idea doesn’t sound very sexy, when you put it that way. Which bothers me. Something I just can’t seem to shake.


    If I am to enlist and sacrifice my soul in order to achieve some bureaucrats mission- what does that make me? Does that make me anything more than a simple pawn, moving amongst the chaos? Is my life viewed as anything more than a simple X and O? 


    Overall, the movie was unreal. Serious, yet fun at the same time. I was blown away and pleasantly surprised. What still stands out to me is the knowledge and power which is being hidden from us all. The individuals who are truly pulling the strings, and what their ultimate goal is behind them. The fact that we are being lied to non-stop about what is truly going on, even to this day. Apart of me doesn’t even think that the movie was just a movie. I believe that it was actually documenting the reality of the situation going on in the South. The complexity of the situation, where there is no such thing as good or bad. 


    Elementary terms like those I just used have been soaked into the everyday individual. They seem to have been brainwashed completely, believing nonsense and lies 24/7. I suppose thats what happens when you get his with non-stop propaganda for so long, you eventually start to believe it. Sometimes I feel sorry for those individuals. I feel pain for those who are so lost in the lies and deception, that they believe they are free. Yet, other times, I am reminded how weak and pathetic they truly are. How their own curiosity and freewill has been hijacked and overtaken by someone else. For that, I feel no remorse. If you do not know who you are, the world will tell you. 


    Sometimes, I dream of fighting the good fight and overthrowing the injustice which now rises above all else. I imagine the feeling of finally being able to break the spell in which we the people have been put under. Yet for what gain? For what cause? The reality is, if I were strong enough to break it- would I not wish to move quick and recast my own spell? Would I not work tirelessly to reclaim the territory I had recently freed up? The reality is, I would become the very thing I wish to overcome. I would become the force which I so desperately moved against. The wheel would continue to turn, over and over again. And then somewhere, far off from here, somebody else would begin their descent into madness, as they attempt to undo all that I’ve done.


    Life is a constant power struggle. Every single day, every single interaction. At first, the thought becomes exhausting. Having to always be on guard, prepared for what may come to light and strike you. Then, after a while, it becomes engaging. The ability to constantly show up, day after day, ready to fight for your life. The ability to constantly look Death in the face, and no longer fear it. To no longer view it as the ultimate end. To understand that the enemy is not the unknown afterlife, but rather the evil we face here, on Earth. 


    I don’t know what normal is. Never have, never will. Something inside of me despises the thought. Being nothing more than a robot, a desk worker- it doesn’t sit right with me. We were born to roam the wilderness, throw spears at animals. We were gifted the power and strength to move mountains and chase storms. The very gods of ancient Greece themselves envy us and our mortality. Yet here we sit, bending our will to other men who bleed the same blood as we do.


Oh, how far we have fallen.


        Glory Be,


                    Amen.

Location: Laval, QC, Canada

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