Inner Child ✏️
This anxiety is killing me.
Every single day, waking up, waiting. Waiting for something to happen, something to go off. Waiting for things to go sideways, as we all know they’re bound to be.
Waiting is the hardest part about it. I suppose everybody says the same thing. But living a life, where you know something terrible is about to happen in the real world, all while being expected to put your head down and keep on living- is brutal. The never-ending anxiety of what will happen, and when it will happen. The notion that one day, I will wake up, and the world will be changed forever. Much like 9/11, or worse.
I’m not alone in feeling it. I know for a fact that others feel the same. That’s the one thing about being an empath- we feel EVERYTHING. Literally, non-stop feelings 24/7. Perhaps it’s too much, perhaps it’s best I completely switch it off and burry my head in the sand. Honestly, most days I wish I could. I wish I could just flip a switch, and never feel anything again. Become a cold-hearted, robotic trans-human, and go about my life without ever looking the other way.
One of the interesting things I recently read, was that the spiritual war we are currently in is trying to destroy us. That much, I know for sure. However, the text went on to explain that we must fight to remain human, no matter the cost. We must fight, to remain the people we are, deep down inside. Who we represent, how we feel, act and love. The child within must survive the storm, in order to show the world that there is a greater possibility. My child has been thru hell and back, yet here he stands- broken, beat and scarred- but alive, none the less.
The inner child is a fascinating subject. We all have it. Some, more than others. Some, simply have buried their child so deep down, that they currently reside 6-feet deep. The burry it under nonsense and lies, drugs and alcohol, in order to never feel it again. To never think, to never love, to never have any sort of emotional connection to who they are and who they could be. I admire those people, as unfortunate as it sounds. I am in awe of the ability to simply load up on so many toxins, that even the child within cannot survive and break thru. I’d love to no longer feel anything, and simply go about life from one step to the next.
As much as that sounds amazing, I know I’d never succeed at it. I know that I could never fully let go, and surrender to the darkness. The amount of work and effort I pour into my soul daily, in order to remain alive and well- is astronomical. I simply do not see a future, where I simply throw it all away. A future, where I bury the child deep down, and drown him by my own hand. It’s an image I cannot accept. I would struggle and become an absolute mess, destroying all that I have left.
One of the great things about living in the 21st Century, is our unlimited access to information. To be fair, some of it is way too much and probably a bad thing. However, having access to other individuals work of arts and writing, can prove to be extremely valuable. A lot of the writers that I read about and focus on, all go thru the same thing. They all enter the real world, and hold on to their hats, as their inner child fights to stay alive. They all struggle with purpose, struggle with reality, doing whatever it takes to remain who they truly are. One of these examples is Dostoevsky. When looking at pictures of the man, who is famous for writing extremely deep and thought-provoking literature, I see a child who has been to war. A child, who has fought and clawed his way, to remain in control.
Death of the inner child never has made much sense to me. The idea of killing off who you are, in order to simply fit in, is wild. Why would you ever want to be like everybody else? John Mason has a great quote, where he says “You were born an original, don’t die a copy”. And that’s the truth of it. Why would you ever want to become somebody else? Why would you ever want to betray who you are and what you stand for, in order to simply fit in? Like has a knack of taking bright young bulbs, and shattering them into becoming something society wants. Something that no longer holds its true value, but rather becomes a fraction of its authentic self.
An artist is the child that survives. At least, that’s what the internet tells me. And the internet, well, it never lies. The ability to remain a child is both a gift and a curse. A gift, because you are capable of seeing the world with child-like wonder. The ability to see things that others simply miss. After years and years of toxin build-ups and destructive habits, the average individual loses touch with the unknown. They become brainwashed into a corporate world, where cash rules everything around me (c.r.e.a.m.). It can also be a curse, because the individual becomes isolated and alone. The connections they used to have, no longer apply to their life. The individuals who choose to move forward and grow, become individuals who no longer have the ability to connect and relate to each other. The process of growth leaves one alone, shedding the skin that no longer fits him.
One of the most important aspects of staying a child, is finding other individuals just like them. Finding people who are on the same wavelength, mentally. The ability to reach out and connect with other spirits who are also battling, each and every day, to keep the child alive. Survival at all cost, is the price to pay when participating. The battle for ones soul, is all that can remain.
Glory Be,
Amen.
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