La Playa 🏝️

 I need a vacation.

    Serious. Somewhere warm. This winter thing isn’t my vibe anymore. I’m tired of it.

    Every single day, waking up to the ice and snow. Negative degrees celsius outdoors, just waiting to attack you. Everyday, wrapping up my face with cloth to keep myself from freezing. Why on Earth did my ancestors choose here to live?

    I often wonder about that, when thinking about the past. Before things became solid, and borders were a thing, why would anybody choose to live in the north? Throughout history, people who lived in the ice and snow have had harder lives than those who lived in the south. Southern land, surrounded by water and warmth. The sun, beaming down upon you every day. Warm temperatures, giving you a sense of belonging and happiness within. Just being outside in the sun can do wonders for you mental and physical health. Instead? Here I am, layered up in the depths of winter, pretending like life is fun.

    Imagine living somewhere like Florida? That would be the dream. Even California would be amazing. No humidity, just straight warmth and vibes. Honestly, I miss California. I think about it every single day. The beaches, the weather, the palm trees. I used to wake up, and spend every single morning out running on the Santa Monica bike path, all the way to Marina Del Ray. The entire track, just mine for the taking. Every morning, jogging along the ocean, with the mist of sea salt spraying in your face. Life was so good, and I didn’t even realize it. 

    I still struggle with the idea of ever moving somewhere else and living there. One part of me, looks forward to it. The idea of relocating to a new place and spending time exploring the city sounds amazing. On the other hand, I’ve always imagined I’d have a place to come back to called Home. Ideally, I’d love to be able to go live somewhere for 9 months, grind it out and do whatever it is I’m doing, just to return home for 3 months in the summer, and enjoy my life here. The dream, to be honest. It kinda scared me to know that one day, that option won’t remain. One day, I’ll need to let go of my home, and live my own life somewhere else in the world.

    Perhaps that’s just growing up, eh? Here I am, talking about an experience that most people in the world go through. Not many have the opportunity to come back to their hometown, and re-establish their roots once more. Sometimes, as much as a drag as it seems, I forget how fortunate I truly am. Maybe that’s my mistake in all of this. Maybe I’m simply losing sight of the bigger picture, and only focusing on the negative instead. 

    Overall, I am fortunate. I am blessed. I’ve been given the chance to return to my childhood, over and over again. It’s been a unique experience, one which I am truly grateful for. I’m always quite ready to face my next challenge as well. I have been putting in the work like an absolute maniac, so I am looking forward to my next step. The next adventure in the process, which I fully completely trust. Surrounding to the flow of the Universe, allowing God to direct me to whatever it is He wishes me to be. It’s been exhausting, no doubt about it. I’ve had to shed blood, sweat and tears just to reach this point. And despite all the progress- there’s still a ton of room to grow. The journey never ends, apparently.

    One day, I’ll look back and realize that this is exactly where I needed to be. That the hold-up and set-backs were actually the plan all along, to get me to where I am meant to go. I suppose waiting is the hardest part of the journey. That’s why they say patience is a virtue. I am doing my best to stay patient and enjoy the ride, however a part of me is restless. Apart of me has been sacrificing and working so hard, that I am eager to get going. I am itching at the thought of finally moving forward and achieving all that I have seen within my mind. The grind don’t stop, that much is for certain. Every single day is another opportunity to get better. Believe me, I am dying at the thought. 

    Maybe a vacation isn’t what I’m looking for. Maybe, the real thing that has been eluding me is purpose. I’ve done my training, I’ve done my work. I’ve been as consistent as ever before, giving all that I’ve got. Maybe I’m simply itching to rise above the occasion, and meet at the top of the mountain. I am prepared to walk into a new chapter of my life, one where I finally excel at all that I’ve been looking for. That is the goal, plain and simple. To achieve all which there is to achieve, within my mind’s eye. Why else would I have those images engraved within me, were they not put there on purpose? Why else would I constantly see and be reminded of all that which I seek? Why else would God implant those thoughts and visions within me?

    One day I’ll look back at this all, and smile. I’ll re-read everything I’ve written, and laugh at the thought of current me, struggling. The constant walking through the fog, the darkness, unsure of the next step. I’ll be proud of myself for walking solely on faith, instead of vision. To have given and sacrificed so much of my time and energy, towards ultimately achieving a goal. To finally sit back, take a deep breath, and realize that I’ve made it exactly to where I was meant to be. That is the goal. That is the vision. That is the energy which drives me. Consistency is key, therefor I must continue to trust the process, and enjoy the grind. The marathon continues …

"As you start to walk on the way, the way appears" - Rumi

        Glory Be,

                    Amen.