Dreams & Nightmares 💤

    Last night, I dreamt of a sunset. 

    A gorgeous sunset, across a great lake. It filled the sky up with crimson red, as it swept across the horizon. The very eye in the sky, caught ablaze, setting down on a place to rest for the long night ahead. Still, in that moment, I did not care about what lay ahead. In that very moment, I was absorbed with the magnificence of the scenery I was caught up in. All I could think of was how fortunate I was to be able to witness something as spectacular as the sun setting within my time here on Earth.

    And then I woke up. Nothing more, nothing less. No visit from an other-worldly being, no message from the great unknown. Just me, myself and the sun. Naturally, I did some digging on the dream, trying to better understand it. This isn’t the first time I’ve dreamt of a sunset like this before. In fact, I had a similar one months ago back in August. It seems like the sunset has become a sort of repeating phenomenon which I keep on revisiting in my dreams. When I first experienced it in August, I researched what the meaning could possible be. The most common answer I found when online, was that the sunset symbolized the end of a chapter. The giant eye in the sky, finally laying to rest, after a long day. The setting of a chapter in my life, which has finally come to pass. Something I can definitely get behind, no doubt about it. I have been feeling it in my soul lately- something I just cannot shake. I have felt like there is something going on which is about to change. A feeling which I cannot shake, telling me to just hold on and keep on pushing- change is on the way. So thats what I’ve done. I’ve pushed. I’ve kept on keeping on, thru the highs and lows of the valley of death, fearing no evil. What a journey it’s been.

    I used to have a reoccurring nightmare as a child. A dream, which would continuously repeat itself to me over and over and over again. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve dreamt it. It honestly kept on reoccurring, to the point where I now have it engrained within my brain. I would always be walking thru a wheat field- kind of like the scene in Gladiator or 300, where the main characters walk down a path and comb the plants with their hands. I would be walking, surrounded by specific people who were in my life at that time. I was with a caregiver, who I was very found of. She would be pushing a stroller, with a child who she would also look after. There were also other individuals with us, all whom were also being watched by the caregiver and around the same age as myself. My sister was there as well. And we would walk thru the field, with the bright yellow sun beaming down upon us, floating in the beautiful blue skies above. Everything was a scene out of a movie. Then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, a Castle would fall from the sky and entrap us within its walls. A castle, almost like on a hinge, which would just drop down and enclose us. The castle was like a Rook, a chess piece, found on the corner of a fortress. The rook never caused damage or harm to anybody within the entourage, however it always showed up to lock us in. We would constantly become trapped within its great, thick brick walls. No matter how hard I tried, no matter how creative I became, I could not escape the prison I had been placed within.

    This dream, or nightmare, went on for a while. I want to almost say a full year. Almost every night that I dreamt, and could remember, I would have the same reoccurring scenario take place within my head. It would always play out the exact same way, over and over again. I would always gain consciousness in the wheat field, slowly realizing what was about to happen. Then, as soon as I would come to it, and realize I was in a dream, Boom! Down came the rook. Over and over again. It became frustrating to say the least. Being trapped within a time loop- replaying inside my head every single night when I would close my eyes to sleep. Eventually, I became aware I was dreaming. After living thru the same experience, non-stop, I slowly came to the realization that I was trapped within a dream. Trapped within an external realm, dictating the scenery which I was constantly experiencing. That was a trippy feeling. Knowing you are within a dream, and slowly coming to consciousness.

    After a while, I began to experiment within the labyrinth. Having learned that I was in a dream-state, and that i was in fact conscious- I began to play around with what I could achieve. I began to wake up to the dream, and change it so that I was no longer under its spell. The dream no longer held power over me. I no longer felt scared, or angry, or anything for that matter. I simply began to accept that what I was experiencing was not reality. I would stand still, and allow the events to unfold around me- unbothered by it all. There’s something deeper behind all that, something about being able to realize that no external events can affect my consciousness. Eventually, I grew tired of it. Eventually, I no longer wished to participate in the exercise. So I began to practice something new instead- I began to wake myself up. It became a skill I still know how to do til this day. I would stand still, take a deep breath, control my energy, then explode outwards. I would yell and explode with such force, such magnitude, that I would awaken my consciousness in the real world. I began to be in control of my own sleep. No matter how deep I was under, I was always able to wake myself up. I would become aware that I was in a dream, and therefor remain in control of my emotions and energy.

    Something about learning how to wake myself up always astounded me. It was something that I still don’t fully understand- however I am grateful to have learned it. When I was much older than my original age, I watched Inception for the first time. Since then, I’ve probably seen in over 100 times. It is without a doubt one of my favourite movies- probably top 3. And within the movie, the characters are faced with the reality that they live in a dream within a dream. Something about that feels like it’s a subconscious sign from somewhere else. I can’t help but shake the feeling that we, humanity, are living the same storyline. A dream within a dream. In the movie, Mal, Cobb’s wife, becomes convinced that the reality there are living in is nothing more than a dream. An idea is planted in her head, convincing her that she needs to wake up from this to rejoin reality. Something inside my head tells me the same thing. No matter how you slice it, I can’t help but feel like what we are experiencing is not all that it seems.

    I don’t believe this is the end of the line. I don’t believe that the reality in which we currently find ourselves planted in, is the truth in which we seek. Much like my reoccurring dream, I still believe that this life is a labyrinth. I am convinced that we are here by design. Having been put under, having been put to sleep, in order to experience this realm. Which means we were placed here for a reason, for a purpose. That we, as humans, are all apart of a collective consciousness, attempting to achieve. Perhaps it isn’t about understanding. Perhaps, we aren’t meant to know what lies ahead. Perhaps, we are simply meant to realize our own power, and understand that which we reside within is nothing more than an orchestrated scene. 

        May God have mercy on us all,

                    Amen.