Communication 🔑

    Communication is Key.

    At least, thats what they tell me. Everybody, everywhere, preaching how communication is the most important aspect of any relationship, both personal and professional. If that is true, then how come so many people are so horrible at it? It would seem like a skill one should go to extraordinary lengths to master, in order to excel in their relationships within their own lives. Yet, over and over again, we see people who fail at it, horrendously.

    I used to believe that people simply were born a certain way, and that was that. Some people, were born with skills in certain areas- while others, were not. I ate up the good old lie of talent, and believed that some people simply have something that others cannot possess. Perhaps some people simply are better communicators than others, because they were given said talent. Perhaps some people are better at clay sculpting simply because they were given that talent. Over and over again, viewing things as a simple gift- something given to each individual, simply natural at it. However, the older I have gotten (and some what wider), I’ve come to realize that most of what I believed in was complete nonsense. Most of the age-old stories and innuendos which I grew up around, were lies. At a young age, you are instilled with certain beliefs and thoughts, which do not originate from your own mind. They have been planted in there, like seeds in the soil, from others who surround you. When a child is young, their mind is like a sponge. You feed it whatever you wish, and the child absorbs it, allowing it to grow. It’s a beautiful gift that children have. Innocence allows one to see the world as it is meant to be- free, exhilarating, full of life and possibility. However, once we begin to plant certain ideas within them, children have a knack for grasping onto them throughout their lives. It’s both a gift, and a curse.

    The power of shaping the individual into forming the lens for which they see the world falls into the hands of those who surround them. Those who are constantly interacting with them, teaching them, nurturing them, etc. Which is evident. If a child is between 3-5 years of age, most of their time will be spend at home, with their mother or father, spending time to explore the world around them. They move in awe of everything around them, from the green grass, to the brown mud, to the purple butterflies and golden retrievers. Every single day brings them the exhilaration of exploration, allowing them to discover more things than they can possible handle. Hence why nap time is so crucial. Talk about sensory overload. The issue which arrises, more often than not, is that their world view is often shaped by those who surround them. Those who are placed in charge of their well being. Those grown adults, who have already solidified and formed their own views and opinions. Have you ever seen a child express their opinion on geo-politics? Have you ever seen a child say that something was not possible because of factors X, Y and Z? No. It just does not happen. The world is wide open, and everything is possible in their eyes. It is often the lens and views of others, which are instilled upon them at an early age. Dr. Gabor Maté has a great interview piece, where he dives into the language used when raising a child. Often, parents or care takers use negative reinforcement to solidify their own world views into their children. Sometimes, it’s even subconsciously. When a child climbs a table, they do not view it as dangerous- they view it as a new height to achieve. However, as parents or providers, the individual is often lead to exclaim how that is not allowed, and how dangerous it can be. Henceforth, the child now views climbing as a negative activity. Now, just because they have been told that it is a negative activity, does not mean they will always listen. Most people with children understand that they do whatever they want anyways. Regardless, the negative reinforcement has been planted within their malleable brains. They have now been fed the idea that elevated surfaces are a negative thing. 

    Perhaps climbing tables doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. In the grand scheme of things, it probably isn’t. However, the issue is that we as parents do not realize the impact we have on their development from such an early age. First, it’s no to climbing tables. Then, it’s no to asking too many questions. Then, it’s no to doing certain activities. All of a sudden, we the parents are feeding our child nothing more than what we have been taught from life itself. When you listen to a parent talk about how the world is cruel and evil, filled with bad people and dark things- the child absorbs that outlook. They adopt the notion that the adult in charge, who is older and wiser, must be telling the truth. Henceforth, they go about their lives, viewing the world as cruel and evil, filled with bad people and dark things. After that, it becomes what is possible and what is not. This is the aspect which is the most binding process one can create. The very chains which will hold back an individual for the rest of their lives, instilled upon them at a very young age. Soon, a child longer views the world as an endless possibility- but rather, a place where everything is constricted according to someone else’s views.

    Communication is a key factor in any relationship. Every single aspect in the world, relies completely on the words we chose to speak with. It becomes quite simple to see and understand one’s thought process, when we embrace the importance of communication. In fact, most people will tell us who they are and how their brains work, before we even need to ask them questions. One’s responses determine their own thinking, showing us more about themselves than the actual world which surrounds us. Children are often the by-product of their parents, growing into the views which were planted within them at a young age. However, as adults, we have the responsibility to unlearn those foreign ideas which have been seeded by others. We have the responsibility to pluck the very roots of these ideas, allowing room for new ones to grow. This form of mental gardening is a task which many adults simply do not do. They simply do not grow, do not evolve, and hold on to the same seeds and truths which they have been given from an early age. It becomes quite simple to see one for who they are, based upon their garden.

A rich mans garden, and a poor mans garden, do not bear the same fruit.

    Rich being the soil for which the man plants his ideas within, measured by his openness to new ideas- not the possessions he holds. Children are rich gardens. Their thoughts and ideas are limitless. And a child’s mind must be protected at all cost. It must be allowed to blossom, and grow- not be chained and shackled to the views around them. Much like anything else in the world. Things which are watered and fed positive reinforcement, tend to grow to extraordinary heights. Protecting one’s ability to explore the world and view things from an open lens is the key to developing a new world. A world, where love and excitement control one’s actions- not hate and fear. A world where communication is used for exploring new ideas- not reinforcing old beliefs. A world where words are used to solve problems- not to create them instead.

                    Amen.